Thursday, January 10, 2008

Rock Hard Bod Baby!

So after today the term rock hard body brings on a whole new meaning. Yikes! I thought I was rock hard to begin with and I can't even put into words how my chest feels. It is seriously crazy how hard my chest is. I haven't had the painful muscle twitches yet today so no muscle relaxer turning my day into a fog. I have taken my pain med twice today and am really sore in my chest, under my arms, and in my back. After I was expanded this morning and put my arms down I can actually feel my expanders and chest on the inside of my arms. I wonder if this is how larger breasted women feel all the time?? If so, new feeling for me. Although it is now just leaving me trying to not relax my arms at my side since it is so sore and sensitive. I haven't worn a bra now in over a month since there is no way these are moving anywhere and wearing a sports bra is just plain painful since it pulls the expanders together and hurts my sternum area. I found out last week that Dr. Brewster ended up putting the aloderm in on both sides to reinforce my skin on both sides. I found this pimple looking bump on the left side (non cancer side) and was unsure what it was. After asking Dr. Brewster about it she said it was a suture under my skin and had explained that it was sewn in on both sides. Dr. Brewster also told me the expander on the left side had rotated so it looks crooked. It won't be bad for anything long term but it does look funny that one side looks more tear dropped shaped since the expander is sitting a different direction. She said she could try to manipulate it to move it straight again but it is painful and will probably move again. Yeah, no thanks. I used my Emla cream today around the area where she put the injection last time and it worked fine. The actual injection was pain free but still felt the pressure and it was a little disturbing to still see this giant syringe attached to a huge needle out of the corner of my eye. Lots of pressure....Did I mention the pressure. Intense. Now sitting here this evening I still wouldn't say it is really painful just very sore and hurts to breathe really deeply. So no explanation for the unpleasant taste in my mouth. Dr. Brewster said that neither of the meds I am on have that as a common side effect but everyone is different. I swear I got a bad taste as soon as she started injecting the saline on my right side.....maybe it is seeping into my system?? Okay, not really worried about that. My mom said maybe just an adrenaline rush or something. Dr. Brewster just said it could just be your "little" body responding to everything that is going on. What I have found out is that it is for sure a disadvantage to have a "little" body while going through this experience. I have been super limited on things due to my "little" body. I would like to exchange this "little" body in for a new model!! Okay since there is really no chance of that happening, darn it! I am seriously un motivated to do anything today either. I don't feel like I can't move or get off the couch but notice that I feel super drained on top of the soreness. I am sure it is just "my body responding" but I have a hard time slowing down.
On another note, I couldn't be more upset with my computer. For some reason yesterday I was unable to open up my email program Outlook and still cannot access it. I can check my email online through hotmail but can't open up my program to get to my calender and contact information where I store every ones email addresses. Perfect! So I spend all this money on a new computer and am having problems with it left and right. It is so frustrating. It is sad to say that I rely on my computer so much that I don't even want to give it up for 24 hours for someone to take a look at it. Why can't things just work properly?? Is that so much to ask? Speaking of which our Directv receiver DVR has been not working right either for over a month. That one is just annoying as well because they want to charge us 100 bones for someone to come out and look at it, when technically the receiver isn't even ours. We lease it. Jon thought well we could just upgrade to the HD DVR receiver and be done with the tune of 200 bones. You can't win with these people. Why do I feel like everyone is ripping me off? Cable isn't working computer isn't working.......I hate technology today! Okay I am off to bed now and hopefully my night won't totally suck and I can get some sleep.


Toni said...

Maybe you'll just have to eat non-stop so you don't have a "little" body anymore. Also, I say you switch over to Dish Network if your contract is up with DirecTV. We had that, and switched to Comcast when we moved, and I hate it. Dish is the bomb, baby!

I'm sorry you're still in so much pain. I'd give you a big hug, but I'm guessing that would hurt, too. Love ya sis!

Sue Flaska said...

Hey there! It looks like in the picture with your chemo nurse that you had a port. I know with my port, every time they flushed it with saline I could taste it. It was so gross! I am wondering if that is what you are tasting too. Anyway, I hope things get a little less painful for you! I was on a young survivors retreat and there was a girl there who had the expanders, and you are so right! They were like knocking on wood! Clunk clunk! Oh what we have to go through with all of this cancer crap. Hang in there!