Sunday Feb 11th

So amidst my stressful last few days I have neglected to remind everyone of buddy check 9 day. It has come and gone but still sending out the monthly reminder telling everyone it is time to do your monthly self breast exam!
I went in to see my oncologist on Friday. I am so confused right now. She asked if my surgeon was surprised at my MRI results seeing as how they cannot detect anything signs of cancer any longer. I told her that yes he was but that I had still decided to go ahead with the mastectomy. She was very surprised and just said, "You are, but why??" When I explained my worries about getting breast cancer again later she said that if I was going to have one based on that theory that I should go ahead and do a double mastectomy because I had just as much of a risk of getting it on the left side as the right. I hadn't really thought about it that way, but it makes perfect sense. She said that I could always do the lumpectomy now and then have a mastectomy surgery after 5 years. In her way of thinking, over the next 5 years I have a much greater risk of the cancer that I already have coming back in a far away place in my body, most likely my lungs or liver, and not my breast. Not having a 2nd breast cancer develop. In my mind I am thinking that since it is not able to be found currently in my breast and it is gone, why would it come back somewhere else? And even after the next 5 years, I am in a higher risk group of getting a 2nd breast cancer. Since I am hoping to live longer than 5 years I would rather just have the mastectomy now and not be thinking about having it in 5 years when I am healthy. Just get it over with now. She also said that since I would have to wait to do reconstruction for 1 year that I could always have the left mastectomy done when I go in for reconstruction so they could just place the tissue expanders in at the same time of surgery on that side. I am still thinking about doing that. I am just confused because the surgeon and the oncologist both said either choice was okay and then it seemed she was disappointed that I chose the mastectomy. She just said, I don't think you realize what your getting yourself into with reconstruction after radiation. It is a long, hard, and painful road to do reconstruction and you are never going to look the same again. She did leave saying that again, I needed to choose the right thing for me and what she may choose for her might be different then what I would choose for me in the same circumstances. I liked it better when they just said, this is what you have to do. I know it is going to be a long road still after surgery but I would rather just do it now and get it over with then wait 10 or how ever many years down the road and get breast cancer again. It isn't like they know what caused all this in the first place so I can't really avoid whatever it is that caused it all. If I have already had it once, who's to say I won't get it again. No thanks! I will take my chances of not having "nice breasts" then not being around for my kids or even grandkids. So I have still made up my mind to go ahead with the mastectomy despite all the ups and downs of the week. Now I just have to wait the 2 and a 1/2 weeks for the big day. How exactly do you carry on without being totally nervous and stressed about that?? I guess a lot of Ambien, huh? Jon will be working out of town in Salida again this coming week and then somewhere in New Mexico the following week so he will be here the week I have surgery. Hopefully my kids will be on their best behavior for me for the next little bit. I can hope at least :-)