Thursday was an early morning. I went to chemo with my mom at 8am and went through my genetics counseling. We had to do a pedigree chart for family history of cancer and go through all the statistics of what it means if I do have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene. I was going through my herceptin (one of my chemo drugs) while doing the genetics counseling so I wouldn't have to be there all day again. Then after my gene counseling I started in with the rest of the chemo. They premedicated me pretty heavy with the benedryl since I had the allergic reactions last week and also gave me the steroid shot before hand hoping that if I had another reaction it would take care of that. After about 10 min into doing the Taxol I, of course, had the same reaction where I couldn't breathe. It wasn't quite as bad as last week's reaction but still pretty scary. The only difference was I knew what was happening. Doctor Medgyesy decided to go ahead and change me onto a different drug that is in the same family called Taxotere. She explained that the allergy is usually caused by the way the drug is dissolved and not the actual drug itself. (whatever that means) So this new drug is dissolved differently and normally people that don't tolerate the Taxol well will do okay on this other one Taxotere. The thing about this other one is that it can have worse side effects. She said I might have more nausea, achey, retain water, all sorts of other "extras". Great....... You do what you gotta do I guess. Good news is I did get through that drug okay without any reactions and I can pick up where I left off with the other one so I don't have to start my 12 weeks over. This week will still count as week 4. The did my blood draw for the gene testing and we should know in 4 to 6 weeks.
I also went to a program at the cancer center on Thursday evening called look good, feel better. It was like a glorified Mary Kay party. We all got a goodie bag full of all sorts of nice make up and skin products from all the places I could never afford to buy from so that was cool, and they showed us how to tie scarves and things like that. It was nice.
I still felt pretty yucky for the rest of the day Thursday but I wasn't sure if it was from the reaction or just the new medicine. After my class I got home and my mom, dad, and brother Mason were at my house making dinner (oh course with all my kids and hubby as well). Olivia climbed up on my lap on the couch to give me a hug and get the usual run down of mommy's day without her. I was itching my head and pulled out a chunk of hair and just lost it. Of course trying to explain to her why I was sad in terms a 4 year old would understand. Man I hate it when I do that in front of my kids. When we sat down to dinner Olivia volunteered to say the prayer and of course didn't forget me. She said "Bless mommy not to be sad and that her hair will stop falling out." ...... Out of the mouths of babes. I love my kids!!
I thought I would feel better on Thursday if I got in the shower, which it was nice but back to the hair falling out. That just made me feel sicker. I got out of the shower and by the time I was done drying my hair my sink looked like this:
After thinking about my hair slowing falling out and finding it on my pillow the whole night instead of sleeping I got up on Friday and decided I would take control of the situation. (my bizarre way of convincing myself I actually have any control over any of this I guess) I invited some of my girlfriends over and we shaved it off. I knew you would all want to see the photo docu-drama, so I uploaded them to my snapfish link on the side of the page. Definitely one of the harder things I have ever experienced. Why is it that we as women are so attached to our hair? After all it is a giant pain in the butt as I now realize I can get ready in 10 min flat. (shower and all) So it does have it's good points. At least I know that it will grow back, right? I must say as a bald lady you do get a lot of very funny looks. I can't even look in the mirror without doing a double take and saying "Whoa! Who's that funny looking bald chick? Oh wait, that's how I look now a days." Olivia reminded me a few times yesterday how silly I was and that I looked like a boy....Great. :-) Just what I always wanted. I have tried to wear some scarves and hats but because my hair is all still falling out and I will eventually be completely bald my head really itches and so they are hard to keep on. Jon and I went out to a church social on Friday night for a bit and it was nice to be out of the house. Everyone that is in public with me the next few days will just have to be seen with the bald girl :-) Trying to stay positive this week has proven to be rather difficult, but we are still hanging in there!!
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