Happy Father's Day

As always lots going on here. My sister Toni has been here for the last 10 days with her son Jack. It has been great to see them and visit. She was able to be here to participate in Relay last weekend and We hung out a few times this week. We took the kids up to Estes Park on Tuesday which was a lot of fun. Thanks for suggesting that Toner! It is a mountain town so while it was over 90 degrees here in town it was high 70s up there and beautiful. We went out to eat, rode the aerial tramway, and had ice cream. Olivia got to sit in the back seat with Jack, her new best friend. She was so cute. Talking and playing with him the whole time. The tramway was an experience. It was fun but a little stressful. First off they take you up in these pretty small gondola like cars that have been there since they opened in 1955. It is a pretty steep climb up the cable and with the wind blowing through the cars it rocked back and forth. I was frightened, I am not going to lie. Plus Toni and I are both scared of heights. Not deathly afraid though. Acrophobia is the word Toni. We were trying to think of the actual "phobia" it was but neither of us could remember. So here we are at the bottom, looking up the cable to the top. You can't actual see the station at the top, but basically it is on top of the mountain.

Then here is the kids all excited to being starting up the cable. Remember to pause the music on my blog before hitting play.

Here is the top looking back down at the parking lot which is that black area in the center of the picture.

Here is the famous Stanley Hotel that you can see from the top of the mountain. This is the hotel that Stephen King stayed in and got the inspiration for the movie "The Shining". It wasn't filmed here, just inspired. Also it was on the movie Dumb and Dumber. It is a really beautiful property that you should take time to visit if you are ever in the area.So at the top of the mountain they have these trails to hike around on and then you can buy peanuts to feed the chipmunks. Of course the kids were totally into this. They are so tame from everyone being up there and feeding them. Here is a film of Cody feeding them which was too funny to not share. Cody is the chipmunk-whisperer. (my video isn't uploading right...check back tomorrow to see if it is on here then)


Of course everyone had a good time up there feeding them and were bummed when they ran out. It was a bit stressful for me because they wanted to run all over the place and there were drop off edges. Cody fell down at least twice. I will know for next time that I need to have an extra pair of hands to do this. Jack also was fascinated with the little chipmunks, but it was time to eat so we headed back down.
Afterwards we stopped at Dairy Queen and tried to eat some ice cream before it melted all over us. It was a really fun afternoon. Cody even fell asleep in the car on the way home, which never happens anymore. Thanks for spending it with us Toni.

On Thursday I started the task of getting out all the kids next size clothes since they were lacking in some summer clothes. We have all sorts of stuff crammed into our storage area in the basement since we are continually working on finishing the basement so I have been avoiding getting in there to dig it all out. Afterwards I was glad I did it. I had forgotten about all the stuff I bought on the clearance racks from last year and also found at least 4 pairs of hand me down shoes I really needed for Cody. We got together for dinner at my parents house with Toni, my brother Ethan's family, my sister Heather's family, and my grandma. My mom and Toni made burritos with the knock off recipe from Costa Vida sweet pork and chicken. They are so yummy. Here is a picture of my kids, Heather and her kids, and Toni and Jack. The kids all had a fun time seeing their cousins.

Friday was my busy day at work, so I was working most of the day and also finishing laundry from all the clothes brought up from the basement. I put Jon to work painting Olivia's new room downstairs. I had seen this idea online for painting and really wanted to try it out so after we picked out a bed set for Olivia I went and bought paint for her room. Poor Jon was the one that actually had to put the idea on the wall. He is such a good husband. I love it, but he thinks it looks like a circus tent. I think after her furniture and stuff is in there it will tone it down some. Don't you think he did a great job?

Friday night I went to another one of the dinners we organize every few months for ladies I went through treatment with and have met that are also dealing with breast cancer. I was able to bring Heather, a woman I was recently introduced to that was just diagnosed. It was fun to be able to get to know her better and introduce her to other woman dealing with breast cancer. Not to mention that she is a riot and is going to fit right into our group. There was also a gal there that joined us that I believe is a research nurse. She is following one of the ladies in our group that is doing a clinical trial. She was able to answer a lot of questions we had about clinical trials and just different chemotherapies. It was really an informative evening and as always really enjoy the company of my fellow survivors. They are truly an inspirational group of gals. We had the dinner at my friend Claude's home and her daughter Chloe was as funny. She was instantly my best friend and just wanted to be a part of the grown up group. It was fun.

Yesterday we were able to relax and have some fun with the kids. We took the Jet Ski out to Boyd for the first time of the season. It was almost 90 yesterday so it was a good day to be out but the water was still pretty cold. My friend Heather and her daughter Jaycee were able to come out for the afternoon and hang out which was fun. I just wish the beach were more sandy and not muddy.

Last night Jon and I took his parents down to LoDo in Denver to eat at Maggiano's. It is a yummy Italian restaurant. I was so tired from being out in the sun all day and just having a string of really late nights, but it was a lot of fun. We walked up and down the 16th street mall fo a bit. I stopped at Barnes and Nobel and bought the Twilight series books so I had my own copies. I was telling Jon's mom about how good they were and thought since we were there I might as well purchase them. I am actually going to read them....again. My friend Wendy was just telling me that she was reading them again and they were better the 2nd time. So I am going to read them again. I am a dork, but they were seriously SO good. We were in a really bad traffic jam on the way home that was stop and go for an hour due to a bad accident so it took us almost 2 hours to get home. I started reading the first book again in the car during the traffic jam.

Still on edge about my 6 month follow up testing but wish that it would just be over and done with already. The MRI is this Tuesday and my blood work is next week. I just found out last week that there are some movie theatres in the area doing free and $1 movies in the morning for the kids so I thought we would check that out this week. The cinema savers here in Fort Collins has free movies on Wednesday and Thursday. Their summer schedule can be found here. The Cinemark has $1 movies on Tuesday and Wednesday. Their summer schedule can be found here. Always nice to find cheap and free activities for the kids!

Hump Day.....

So Wednesday still with 20 min to go until midnight. Ha! My bedtime keeps getting later and later these days with Jon working nights again. Especially this week.
I have to warn you this is going to be a rant and probably won't make any sense once the ambien starts to kick in but I have to get it off my chest. I don't know what my deal is but I am just going to get it out already. About 2 weeks ago I get a letter in the mail with my follow up appt schedule for my 6 month check up at the oncologist. This includes blood work, brain MRI, and then an appt in 2 weeks-ish. I have been ignoring the pit in my stomach the last little while being so busy with Relay as a great distraction but now that is over it is back to real life. Darn. Sitting at Relay through the luminaria ceremony and seeing all the names of loved ones who had lost their battles with cancer it is hard when you are thinking, "I know that is going to be me someday, but I hope it is a lot of some days away. A whole lot." I don't mean to think these things but I just can't help it. It is how I feel. So as much as I keep telling myself to quit being a wuss or to stop thinking about it, I just can't. It is always there teasing me in the back of my mind....time to go run your head through the tunnel, get a check on the brain in your head. Time to see if your cancer is throwing a party in your blood again or not. Seems so easy to forget about for a few months after the "alls clear" is called but the chance of hearing you might have it again being around the corner is putting me over the edge.
I thought with it being my busy few days with work that might help but really isn't so far. Dealing with real life emotions sucks compared to just doing the day to day stuff with the kids, the job, the husband. I wish I could go back to the days where my biggest concern in the world was where am I going to take the kids today to hang out? My vote for these "check ups" is for someone to come over and drag your dreaming unsuspecting butt out of bed and drive you to the blood lab and Imaging center and have it all be a big surprise and then get your results in 30 min. You know like those horrible parties your friends would have in high school going around and driving to each persons house and drag them out of bed to come over and have breakfast. Tell me if I am getting a little too creepy here...I hope my friends are the only weirdos that did this. full on dragged you out of bed and into a car as is.....good thing we weren't going out to eat a perkins and just my friends house, but still.....wow what a grouchy bunch of teenagers we all were that morning. I would rather have that be a surprise then having to stress about it for the next 2 weeks and then no get the reports to my actual appointment. Maybe if I slip the MRI guy a Ben Franklin I can get on the spot results...stat! What do you think? All of course foolish ideas that will not work but would be nice if they would. Like random drug testing. Which I have no personal experience with but it's gotta work something like that. Just a phone call and say stop what your doing and hop in this tunnel we have to see if you have a normal brain or one of those brains.
Just some ranting to distract me from what I am really nervous about, as if it needs to be spelled out....damn cancer. I wonder how many times I have said that? Better add another one to the fire ...damn cancer. You've turned my world upside down , but I am still hanging on down here, even though I am upside down, and not planning on letting go anytime soon.
I was so excited to put the kids to be this evening and fall back into my reverie and turn on my tunes and relax. When I say relax, I mean go back to work. But I don't have to watch sponge bob, max and ruby, Thomas, or dora. I get to listen to my tunes. I love listening to music and I must also admit that I like to listen to it LOUD. This plan usually doesn't work out with kids trying to sleep, but most nights I put on the headphones and jam out blocking out the reality behind me and probably scaring my kids as they go to sleep listening to mommy try to sing what ever is on her headphones. Hey, a chick's got to find her "happy place" somewhere. I guess if it comes to the expense of my kids having to listen to their mom sing here and there oh well. I am pretty sure they don't think I am a complete loon yet, but I am sure they will some day. So back to my reverie...listening to music and listening loud and trying to focus on anything except what is bothering me. After all it isn't going to go away. I guess I have to just kick up my boots and go deal with it. Let's hope I don't get the crappy sticker(as in needle jabber) I got last time. I seriously have veins any nurse would die for. they practically pop through my skin fighting about which one is the biggest and best to use. I would be a great heroine addict, I don't think I could even miss those with n0 training. There is always the one that doesn't seem to understand that the vein is the blue one and the white part is just skin....no vein there Mame' you missed again. Not so much here or here ....but RIGHT HERE!! Hopefully she has next Tuesday off.
Sweet, sweet Ambien. thanks for rescuing me for the 3rd time this week. I am off to hallucinate on my way to bed since the screen is melting in front of my eyes and fall asleep listing to my tunes so my mind has no freedom to wander to nasty thoughts and places......

Buddy Check 9, buddies!

Here is the message in the buddy check 9 reminder this month....

Hello Everyone
Here's a question for you. What's your breast cancer story? We all have one. Maybe the story is personal, it's about you. Perhaps breast cancer is part of your family; your mother, your sister or a grandparent was diagnosed. There may not be a biological connection, it could be a friend. In my son's elementary school, at least four moms have been diagnosed with breast cancer.
Breast cancer is a part of our lives. It is part of our life stories. That is one reason why we hope you will invite Buddy Check 9 into your life. A breast self exam is one way we can encourage early detection of breast cancer. Once a month, every month we ask you to do a self exam and then remind someone else to do the same. Spread the message, and share your story because breast cancer can be beaten. When caught early, it is not life ending, but merely one chapter of a life story.
Until next month, Kim Christianson

Since I have nothing but silicone to to check I feel the need to remind all those ladies around me to do so. Give 'em a squeeze. I am sure everyone reading this knows my breast cancer story so I don't need to re hash any of the fun details :-) I was newly reminded of everything this last weekend with Relay For Life as I hope all that participated were. I heard many "survivor" stories and stories of those who were lost to cancer. Seeing the hundreds of luminaries around the track was so inspirational and brought me to tears several times. So many people have battled this terrible disease, and many have won their battles. I think I am a better person because of the experience but still don't feel like I am long enough gone to feel as though the battle is won or the chapter is over. Hopefully someday it will feel like that. I am proud to were the "2 yr survivor" sticker but hopefully in a few years when I am wearing the 5 or 7 year survivor sticker it will be further from my everyday thoughts.
It isn't far from my mind that it can still come back at some point. It is hard to not think that every time something is bothering you or something is wrong that it isn't "coming back". I go in to have my 6 month testing again in a week. I have to do another brain MRI and get blood work done to see where my tumor markers are. When I got the reminder in the mail last week and opened the letter I just felt my stomach sink. I know I should be so dramatic but I can't help it. I don't think it is far from any survivor's mind. Regardless of the scary feelings I am still so proud to be labeled a survivor and always will. This life experience has truly changed me for the better and I feel it has given me a new perspective on what is important. I love being able to share my story and support those that are going through treatment or are fellow survivors. I also appreciate immensely my friends and family that were there, and are still there for me whenever I need them. Friends and family that will walk for hours in the rain or sun all day and through wee hours of morning. I hope you guys know that I love you and all you do for me and I will never forget your love and support. You guys all deserve a a big gold medal.
I just wanted to remind everyone again about the support group that I started on yahoo for those battling breast cancer and for survivors. If you would like to join the group there is a link on the side bar of my blog. Feel free to pass the information on to those you think might find it helpful.

Sunday after Relay

Oh my goodness.....I feel like I am 90 today. After getting 20 min of sleep last night and walking on and off through the day and evening and then from 1am to 5am this morning. I feel like a train wreak.

Jon helped me all day Friday getting ready for Relay and doing all sorts of outside stuff like washing the car and packing the trailer. I worked, did all sorts of running around to get ready, and then when I was caught up on work I was able to get my house cleaned really well for the first time in 2 weeks.

We were up bright and early on Saturday to take the camper out to the event center. We got there at about 8:30am so we were able to park super close so it was really convenient. After dropping the camper off we came home so the kids weren't hanging out there all day and I left to get some last minute things at Wal Mart and head back to start setting up at about 11am. Jenn met me there with a bunch of decorations for our campsite and then Wendy and Annette came and help us get the rest of the stuff set up. I was kinda bummed because they screwed up all of the campsites. We raised a bunch of money last year so we were one of the first few in line to choose campsites. When we got there they somehow had changed things around because of the way they ended up having to change our spots. So instead of being right on the side walk by the track we were in the middle of everyone and not in our "primo" spot I signed up for. That was disappointing but we still had a great time. I was able to see a lot of people that I had gone through treatment with and just people in town that I haven't seen for awhile. My friend Dana that I went through treatment with was the honorary chair and speaker before the luminaria ceremony. She was truly inspirational and a true survivor in all aspects of the word. Her speech touched everyone in attendance. Here is a picture of me with my family right after the survivor lap.

Here is one of the "line" of the survivors and then Dana and I doing the "strong man" pose with the other survivors. Can you believe how far the line of us goes out? There were so many of us. I think I was the only rebel that decided not to wear my purple survivor shirt and where my team's hooters shirt instead.

Here is one of my brother and sisters that came to support our team and walk for Relay.

Here is one of me with Olivia and Alex and our hooters shirts Abbey made for us.

Here is one of most of the chicks on our team. What a good looking group of ladies!

They had bands there most of the day and night. We all took time to get our groove on a time or two....

Alyssa's girls should be on So You Think You Can Dance! Jon even humored me with a little country swing...

Here is some more snap shots from Relay....

Here are some of our luminaria ceremony with the luminaria I made for some of my friends that I went through treatment with.

The actual luminaria ceremony I think was a complete flop. They had problems with the sound and I think the DJ just picked random songs to play until the Relay Chair told him to just shut it off. Then he decided to walk off the stage and take a smoke break. Um HELLO! Besides the actual rule of there being no smoking allowed at the event, it was offensive to probably ever person in attendance. What an idiot! Last year they had a picture of each of the bags on the slide show so we could all see the pictures and messages everyone put on it and this year they did these really generic slides with names on them. They also left each slide up there for 7 seconds and the "In Memory" slide show took over an hour, just reading the names and then they didn't even have everyone sit and watch the "In honor" slide show names. I wasn't very impressed with that part of the evening.

Here is me with the Luminaria that had my name on it...

Jon got sick on Saturday and was so stuffed up and sick so I sent him home around midnight to sleep at home. We had a good time just hanging out as girlfriends for the night. My girlfriend Jenn and I walked from 1am to 5am and had a chance to visit with a guy we went to high school with. It was fun to catch up and just get to visit. But it was really hard and was raining most of the time. By the time we were done walking my jeans were soaked up to my calf and my shoes and socks were both soaked too.

The track this year was not level so we were walking up and down hills the whole time. It was hard work, but a great experience. Like I said earlier I feel like I am 90 today. Jon and I got the trailer home a little after 9 and my mom was nice enough to keep my kids most of the day. We both slept from 10 this morning until about 3pm. It is only 9 now and I think I am going to go to bed. My entire body hurts every time I move and my feet feel like they are going to fall off. Do you think that is possible?!? Relay is always an emotional experience and it was fun to be able to experience it with my family and friends. Thanks guys as always for your unconditional love and support. You all mean more to me than you will ever know!!

Relay is almost here!

It's been awhile since my last post and, as always, have been staying busy. I wonder if I will ever feel like I don't have anything going on.......I guess that is before being a mom, working, promoting causes, etc, etc, etc.... Oh well. Bring it on baby!

So busy last week with work and it being the end of the month. We did our relay for life garage sale last Saturday. Jon and Seth decided to take all our kids up camping for the weekend and Courtnee and I went up after the garage sale. Courtnee and Seth also acquired a camper this year and we are glad to have such great friends that enjoy the same things we do. Since Courtnee was helping me with the sale she came over here and stayed with me on Friday night. After work on Friday my team and I went over to my parent's house and organized all our paraphernalia. My friend Abbey had seen the card I posted earlier on my blog and decided to make some shirts along the same lines.....

Aren't they funny. We thought so, and decided we would make some for our Relay team. After the organizing we went Wal Mart to get shirts and stuff to make some signs to promote the sale. Abbey, Courtnee, Jenn and myself all went back to my house for some girlfriend time and made signs and watched Juno. None of us had seen it. It was, in my opinion, kinda awkward and I am not sure I would have liked it had I not been watching it with my girlfriends. They are always saying the most off the wall stuff. I watched a re run episode of Rachael Ray the other day with Jennifer Garner on and she was talking about Juno also. Rachael promoted it as a real world "family" movie. Okay I don't think I would go that far seeing as how it is centered around a pretty adult topic of teenage pregnancy, but there were some funny parts. I guess in a setting with some girlfriends we enjoyed it though. I haven't had a 'sleepover' with a girlfriend since I can't even remember when, so that was pretty fun. Thanks Court!

Saturday we did our Relay for Life garage sale. I don't want to call it a flop but really wish we could have had some more traffic. I think if we do it next year we need to try and get it in one of those "neighborhood" sales to get more business. We made $300 and were happy to give that to our team fund! Go team!

Afterwards Courtnee and I drove up to Wyocolo, where we camp, and met the families. It was gorgeous all weekend. I kept my capri's and flip flops on until bedtime and we rode the four wheelers in short sleeves the next day. I got a sun burn. Wow what a difference a week made. From snow to the 70s. I was so happy. Isn't this funny though, some snow on the ground and in short sleeves. Olivia is still loving her four wheeler and getting better and better. Here is a quick clip of her going through the mud. She's so funny!

Of course what is camping with some out of control campfire. Apparently those dry pine needles are some serious stuff! Look at those flames baby! They are taller than Seth.

The kids always love camping, four wheeling, and being outdoors so we had a great weekend. I also had lots more time to almost finish the 3rd book in the Twilight series, Eclipse. Wow, all I can say is that I am a thoroughly addicted fan of this series. We came home on Monday and I finished it on Tuesday. Love it, love it, love it. For as skeptical as I was about reading these books in the beginning (who wouldn't be by the description of a vampire love story) I can't believe how good they were. Even my mom really liked them. If you haven't read them, you definitely are missing out and should read them. I don't even read very often. I think the last book I read was Harry Potter. I definitely became a book worm for the last couple weeks reading the series now. Jon wanted to know if he could have his wife back. I told him, well at least for the next two months until book 4 comes out, Breaking Dawn. ha!

This week I was able to chat with a gal in town that was newly diagnosed with 4 kids. I think the oldest is 8 and youngest is 2. She was just starting treatment this week and I couldn't help just going back to that time in my life and remembering how scared I was. Never speaking with anyone else that was a survivor and not knowing what to expect. It was just such a confusing and whirl wind time. I was glad that she was able to connect with a few people before starting treatment that had been there. I put together a 'chemo bag' for her for all those things that you never knew you needed. I hope that it is helpful for her and know she will do great...Go Heather!! I really hope that if there is anything I can ever do to make the journey easier for someone else I can do it. I started a message board on yahoo awhile ago to try and set up more of an online support for breast cancer survivors. I never had time or just felt too crappy during treatment to go to support group functions but know that I really would have taken advantage of an online support. I was going to try and keep it for local women but have decided to invite anyone who is a survivor or currently in treatment and still looking for a support outlet, wants to support others, or have a forum to ask those questions about treatment, side effects, or anything about the disease to log on. It is a yahoo group and the group name is hope_lives after the local support group here in town. Feel free to log on using this link Hope_Lives Yahoo Group. It is free so tell your friends and sign on! I will also put a link on the side bar of my blog. If you have any questions on how to do it send me an email or comment and I will walk you through it. You have to create a yahoo id, but like I said it is easy and free! Let's start supporting each other ladies!

My sister Toni, came into town yesterday with her son, Jack. I can't believe how much he has grown since the last time we saw them. We were all so excited to see them. I just copied her blog address to link to her name and she has a groovy song on there. Funkytown baby! Makes me want to dance. Today she came over and we went to lunch and shopped a little. We had a good time. Well as much fun as you can have while yelling and chasing your children through the store. :-)

Other than that just gearing up for Saturday and Sunday for Relay. I am really looking forward to it and am excited to see how much different it will be from last year. We are ready to kick some cancer bootie!